dear readers,

for the first time in a long time, i really felt lovely.
comfortable with my body, even if only for a minute.
i sit here, coffee by my side, pillow against my back, laptop on my knees.
it's christmas and i'm not quite sure how i feel about it.
i suppose i'm happy, but it doesn't really feel like happiness.
i guess it's just sort of empty.
i like my boots, and things to make me smell like strawberries, and things to keep me warm, and books. goodness, i fucking love books.
but even seeing my best friend, i was lonely.
i wish i had something to make me feel less lonely, right now.
i'm hoping the music will help.
and that if i occupy myself enough, i won't be so anxious.

merry christmas everyone. i hope you do not feel lonely today.

orange skittles.
creepy.
yet kinda sweet.
lotsa memories.
was going to be sad.
but they made it impossible to think of you
like i used to, around christmas.
i really don't know who you are.
and i don't even think it bothers me any more.
merry christmas, slutbag.

i am not the person i once was.
i will not be this person again.
tomorrow will be someone new.
trying to fit into my skin.

i am not the kind of person i wish i was.